Wooohooo, Jazz Fest is here!
Two totally normal people not at all awkwardly attempting to act as if they are at Jazz Fest and not "modeling" in Lafayette Square.
You'll be doing a lot of standing and walking in situations where other people will be able to see your feet. So, ya know, no flip-flops.
Did we mention that we have a Gambit store full of great Gambit branded stuff? That you can buy? Which will support our journalism and keep us from being models?
Chair or blanket, the choice is yours. Just don't be a jerk about it.
A good fanny pack is crucial to a great festival experience. A fanny pack with a built-in koozie will make it transcendent.
Wooohooo, Jazz Fest is here!
It’s been three years since the last Jazz Fest, and while the basic Jazz Dad ethos may not have fundamentally changed, we wanted to provide a refresher for returning festers and a practical how-to for first timers.
We won’t bore you with basic etiquette — be polite, tip your servers, don’t stop abruptly in the middle of a path, don’t be a jerk — because we’re all adults, right? These are all as self-evident as the fact that you don’t get all “stand your ground” about your space because somebody is tryna get through the crowd.
Rather, this is a basic rundown on the accoutrements of festing. Bottom line, of course, is to be as comfortable as possible while having fun. This is Jazz Fest, after all, not Squid Games. Hopefully these handy tips will help you make the most of your festival time.
You'll be doing a lot of standing and walking in situations where other people will be able to see your feet. So, ya know, no flip-flops.
A wise man once said, “always have on good shoes cause when the zombies come, ya don’t want to be daintily pickin’ your way through the broken glass and dead bodies.” (Editor's note: It’s me. I am the wise man.)
This is good fest advice. A solid pair of sneakers (you don’t mind getting dirty) or shrimp boots will serve you well, rain or shine.
As for sandals, and especially flip-flops … nope.
Listen, we get it. It's hot out. And the fewer clothes you're wearing, the better. But we cannot stress this enough: flip-flops are NOT appropriate. New Orleans remains a modern urban environment, which means there's plenty of sharp unsanitary objects out there just waiting to jab your feet. And if it rains, you're risking losing one or both in a beer/puke/run-off puddle.
And frankly, while some of y’all’s toes might be cute, nobody needs to be seein’ most of y’all’s crusty hammer toes, bunions and man talons. If you can afford a $90 Jazz Fest ticket, you can afford a nail clipper.
Two totally normal people not at all awkwardly attempting to act as if they are at Jazz Fest and not "modeling" in Lafayette Square.
Festival outfits come in all shapes and sizes. There is, of course, the Classic Jazz Dad, a genderless, timeless fit involving an aloha shirt, cargo shorts, a pork pie hat, socks and sneakers bought for comfort not fashion. Variations on this include switching out cargo shorts for Bywater Culottes (long shorts from Dickie’s favored by aging Bywater hipsters, Danny Trejo and our editor-in-chief), pork pie hats for preposterously wide-brimmed hats and faded band T-shirts from the back of your drawer, sans the aloha shirt.
There’s also the Coachella Hippie fit, which is basically a flowing skirt, a midriff crocheted top and one of those weird headband/waistband friendship bracelet type things with flowers on them. Light skirts and sarongs are great for festivals since they give you enough range of movement to dance, protection from the sun and are still cool (temperature and otherwise). Utility kilts are not recommended, as they are heavy, hot and frankly just out of place.
A good fanny pack is crucial to a great festival experience. A fanny pack with a built-in koozie will make it transcendent.
A good fanny pack is a crucial part of a fest fit. There are two options, and both are equally good: There's the Flash Fanny and the Functional Fanny.
Some Jazz Dads prefer a Functional Fanny made of rip stop military tactical fabric, with quick release zippers and other vaguely macho sounding features. We’re loving the Miller Lite branded Functional Fanny, mostly because it has a built in koozie for your freshie.
But at their core, all Functional Fannies are the same — they hold stuff. More stuff, of more varied shapes and sizes, than one could imagine. In that way, they are not unlike Dr. Who’s TARDIS — bigger on the inside.
The Flash Fanny, meanwhile, a signature style piece, a way for Jazz Dads to declare unequivocally to the world "This is who I AM. KNOW ME.” You'll want bright colors, shiny fabrics, perhaps a cool tie dye pattern or fun unicorn scene. Bear in mind, even the Flash Fanny still needs to have a certain level of functionality. Hand sanitizer, your prescription medical marijuana, a wallet, snacks — possibly a power tool or two — all should still fit inside.
Chair or blanket, the choice is yours. Just don't be a jerk about it.
In the year of our Queen Tank Ball 2022, there’s no good reason to be sitting on the ground at a racetrack. Why, you ask? Well, have you ever heard of Rhodococcus equi? Leptospirosis? Cryptosporidiosis? No? These are just some of types of horrible diseases, bacteria and viruses you can get from horse poop, urine or dirt contaminated by horses.
So you can stand all day or bring something to sit on! We at Gambit are split on the question of bringing a chair or blanket. Blankets are great, generally speaking, including our **cough cough shameless plug cough cough** Gambit branded fest blanket! Available through the Gambit store for the low, low price of $49.95!!! Blankets give you plenty of space to sit, stretch out, put yer plate down, even curl up for a nice little nap. Try that standing up.
Camp chairs are trickier. They’re great for sitting in, obviously, and for giants like our editor-in-chief, they’re a kindness to the smaller people behind him trying to see the show and not his big ole dome. However, some people have a weird chemical reaction when they set up their chairs at a festival. They completely forget social norms like kindness and decency, and transform into odd, seated trolls, hell bent on defending their territory. Like Zuul in "Ghostbusters," but in an aloha shirt. And nobody needs to deal with that. So don’t be a Jazz Fest Chad! Don't crowd your chair in prime dancing space at the very front of the stage, don’t snarl at folks trying to walk around and definitely do not use your chairs to create a wall around your festival compound.
Did we mention that we have a Gambit store full of great Gambit branded stuff? That you can buy? Which will support our journalism and keep us from being models?
It’s been a few years since you’ve fested, or even been outside for an extended period of time. So make sure you bring enough sunscreen, hand sanitizer and "after sun" lotion to keep your skin clean and unburned. There’s nothing worse than getting a bad burn on Friday and having to spend Saturday and Sunday sprinting between tiny patches of shade. Just ask our enormous, bald headed editor-in-chief. Shove a handful of koozies and a poncho or two into your bag — say, for instance, a **cough cough shameless plug cough cough** "Yeah, You write" Gambit branded tote bag, which can be purchased at the Gambit store for the ridiculously low low price of $24.95!
If you want to take your festival experience to the next level, also throw some personal toilet paper and wet wipes in your bag. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.
We realize not everyone has the confidence to pull one of these gadgets off. But we assure you, they are so worth it. Get the USB rechargeable versions, which aren’t as heavy as older models that take batteries. It’ll help ya stay cool as a sun-baked cucumber!
We’ll be totally honest, we’re pretty sure science is just what we call magic that somebody tried to explain. Case in point: cooling towels. Towel technology hasn’t seen an innovation in thousands of years. And then suddenly in the last few years scientists “scienced” new special space towels from the future that keep you cool?!?!?! Sure ok, whatever you say, mugwarts.
Have a great festival, y'all! And don't forget to support local journalism by visiting our Gambit store where you can buy lots of Gambit branded gear for very reasonable prices!
For more than 40 years, Gambit has covered New Orleans, for New Orleans. We’ve stood up to city hall with you, cheered the Saints with you, danced in the streets with you and cried over our collective loss with you. And we’re plannin’ on being here for 40 more. To do that, we need your help. Become a Gambit member today and help us continue our mission
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